This picture has nothing to do with the fact I’m going to see The Get Up Kids in Philly tonight with Jess. I feel old knowing that most of my favorite records came out 10+ years ago.

I finally WANT to eat today. So that’s a plus. I can’t wait for my procedure next Monday. I just want this whole thing to be over with.

Oh and this is to remind myself to stop at electric tattoo so I can talk to Tom about my sleeve.

Falling asleep by myself at night has been getting increasingly harder. I just think that’s cute.

Halloween’s over and Christmas begins? What about Thanksgiving Red Bank? Hmmm?

Psyched for the holidays. I already planned out all my gifts for my mom, Josh, and Jess. I might as well be Santa this year.

One of the many reasons she’s amazing. This was made directly after we finished the wonderful dinner she made me :) beyond lucky

Happy Halloween.

I feel like throwing up. I don’t know why my stomach is so uneasy this morning.

It’s not even that big of a deal. Ugh relax.

I will be stationed here for the next few hours. Time to work on new songs and maybe even getting started on the book I want to write. Just clearing my head.

Today’s been a rough one. I love you.

Worried were the words that couldn’t be heard. All I wanted to say were the millions of questions I’ve always had for you. The father that escaped, maybe took the easy way. I’ll never know and I’ll never learn exactly what bounced back and forth before you were gone and honestly I don’t know if I want to. I always wanted you to teach me how to play, to sing, to shave, to grow up.

Now..in a sense I’m glad you didn’t. I never want to be the man you were. I want to be there for the woman I love, the kids I hope I have someday, my family, my friends. I never want someone to remember me as the “failure” or the “addict that lost it all”. I have a special place in my heart for you, I know deep down you knew how to love and how to care. Maybe you even WANTED to. I wish you cared enough about yourself to have this come to fruition.

I know you see the way mom looks at Josh and I and how she’s so fucking proud of us and will never lose faith in everything we do. I know you see how I’ve fallen in love and how happy I am with a girl that’s so perfect for me it’s unbelievable. I know you see an hear the conviction in me everytime I sing your song and how proud I am of myself and my friends and my music.

I hope you wish you were here.

It’s home or the hospital, you made your decision.

zombietowneusa-tm:

Tonight I went to see law abiding citizen. I will admit. It was good. Violent as all hell, kept me on the edge of my seat, good story etc. For some reason I still walked out kind of bummed. As soon as the movie was over I called my wife immediately just to tell her I love her. how fucking bummed I would be if anything would happen to her, and how I feel bad sometimes that I’m not there. She’s not a weak woman in the least bit, but as we were talking, we began to realize how fragile we are and how fragile this life is. It’s scary sometimes. I think that’s why I can’t sleep at night. These thoughts are good though. It’s good to be reminded. Even if it is by a dumb movie. It’s good to be reminded to not take this life for granted. I told her over the phone how i dont want to die young and get my brains shot out by my cellphone(if u saw the movie youll know what im talking about) and sometimes I wish I could just stay in our house and never come out. Humans scare the crap out of me sometimes. There are a lot of sketchy people in this world. She then said “ya, you might be living..but you won’t be alive” she’s smart. I like that. Anyway, I just needed to get this down on screen. It’s 4 am and I’m in my bunk listening to halo battles going on in the front and back lounges of the bus. This is not meant to be a downer in the least. It’s more of a realization. It’s good. Some really great friends made a painting for me and my wife once, and on it it said “draw circles around the ones you love. Not hearts. Because hearts are meant to be broken and circles never end.”

Love Jpoo

I’m listening to This Will Destroy You on the train ride home…I want to write/keep working on the next Bear’s album so bad.

It’s funny to me now that I thought I wasn’t going to have anything to “say” for the new stuff.

Change of plans, there’s so much I want to let out.

The new stuff, sonically, is the best stuff I’ve ever had part in. It’s beautiful, it’s powerful, you can feel it. That’s all i’ve ever wanted in any band I’ve been in. I’m beyond ecstatic. I don’t even care what anyone thinks of it(and if you know me, that’s huge of me to say) I’m proud of what i’m doing.

God that feels so good to say.

Crawling out of Jess’s bed this morning(well the past 3 mornings) before 6am for work/class was one of the hardest things I’ve ever encountered in my life. Jut being next to her all night makes me sleep the best I have in years. There’s some sort of comfort and safety that runs through me. I absolutely despise leaving her in bed without me there.

As much as nothing really makes me feel too much better about it this little Domo coffee cup from 711 made me smile alittle bit and helped soften the blow.

So thanks Domo, your little .99 head that’s holding my “hot beverage” made my morning alittle brighter.

Last night made me fall just alittle bit more. I’m so happy, it’s absurd. Talking to her just completely clears my head and the honesty we have between eachother is something I’ve never had before. I feel like I’m truly happy for the first time in my life.

“but of all these friends and lovers there’s no one that compares to you…in my life, I love you more”